THE RACE
This entry may be more convoluted than usual. I'm on my sister's computer with the DSL which means high speed music. So Revision is loud and nasty per always as i try to type. Ya'll been warned -Wu Tang
Like any major sporting event or large concert, the ancillary aspects prior to the actual event are usually the most troublesome. Parking, long lines, heavy traffic, confusion, these things are rather common. And always seem alot worse when they are happening compared to when it's all over with.
So the Preakness was no different. What was different about the Preakness compared to your average event is that you can bring in mass quantities of non-glass beverages. All the cans of beer you can carry. Which for the seven of us was six 30 racks. Shock and disbelief is the proper reaction dearest reader.
Ok, right to the nitty gritty
It was the absolute biggest party I've ever been a part of. Picture the early drinking of Cortaca with the sea of humanity of Prospect day but only on the scale of Fucking Woodstock. 90,000 people were on the infield.
Highlights / memorable moments:
-pouring beer on each other's heads seemed to be the thing that happened in our group so eventually i got some on my head. I spiked up my hair. It was pretty shaggy at the time so it stood up high. The sun baked it and it stayed straight up the rest of the day, through dinner back at the hotel. It wasn't even like gel hard either, you could run your hands through it if you wanted to. I wanted to.
-The flashing aspect of Mardi Gras was in effect. It wasn't the dominant theme of the afternoon, like it would be at Mardi Gras but you noticed. I'm not mad. The rest of the crowd also seemed to enjoy it. (ed's note: I have never been to Mardi Gras)
-My first viewing experience of, as the Red Dragon from "Made" called it, Charlie. I've never seen that before and there it was right out in the infield. I wouldn't call it a highlight but I'd be lying if it wasn't memorable.
-Our styrofoam coolers that we brought in to keep the beers cold lasted roughly four hours. I don't think this is a lot shorter or a lot longer than I expected. The destruction of the coolers was bound to happen and it did. Although when some wayward drunk dragging his fancy dancy plastic cooler along fell over into ours, smashing it all to hell, I acted out. I bounded out of the foldout chair (that was not mine) and gave my best kick right to the side of his plastic cooler. I wasn't really pissed, I just thought it would be funny. It was. Then about 45 secs. later, after sitting down I really thought I broke my big toe. I expected to find some blood covered socks when I got back to the hotel.
-We made it to the fence to see the start of the final race. I'm six three so I could see pretty good. Some 40 plus year old, drunk, overweight lady also wanted to see good. So, since her boyfriend was old and had a creaky back and couldn't support her, they both thought it would be a good idea if she got on my shoulders. Initally I agreed, simply because I was stunned. How often do complete strangers ask you get on your shoulders? Not often in my case. It took about 15 seconds to realize that this was not a good idea and it was not going to happen. She ended up going on the boyfriends shoulders, pissing him and a lot of others behind them off. Thinking about it now, I would have immediately developed curvature of the spine had that whale dry docked on my broad but ultimately non weight baring shoulders.
-I gambled some on the race. I had never bet on horses before so the whole experience of placing a bet, the lingo, etc. was new to me. I knew I wanted to bet on Afleet Alex. So I put $15 on him. Won $64.50 on that one. I also wanted to do a trifecta and box it which I put $30 on. Not as much as I intended, I got confused at the booth. Which if you were like me until a week ago you wouldn't have know that when you "box" it, it means that the horses can come in any order, 1-2-3. As long as they finish in the top three you win. I had Afleet Alex, Smarty T and Noble Causeway, 3-5-12. I got two outta three, if I picked horse 13 instead of 3 I would have gotten paid lovely.
-After picking the absolute slowest line to cash out in, everyone else had made their way to the car. When we got there our car was the last one in the fenced-in lot so we blocked at least four cars in. When we got there, the people we blocked in were calm and civil. Leaving was a different story. Seems that I was not the last to reach the car. Matt, the one with the keys, was still not present. Now, I can understand being annoyed if you get blocked in. But it was a little ridiculous how upset the a-holes were getting. You were just outside drinking all day long on a Saturday, what do you have to rush home for? A lot of Fortune 500 meetings taking place on a Saturday in the Baltimore area that I'm not aware of? I was not taking their not taking being blocked in well very well at all. So with the mob mentality swirling around we were pressured into attempting to move the car. Not easy. So with the six of us plus the roid raging assbags on a tight deadline, we tried. The back went up easy. The front, the part with the fucking engine, did not go up so easy. We got it moved a little bit but soon the owners of the lot saw us in action. As you might expect, seeing a bunch of drunk people try to move something that doesn't belong to them in the first place did not go over so well. The cops got involved. I thought Eddie was going to get arrested. Matt finally shows up and it was around this time that we discover his side-view mirror had come off the car. Still attached but only by the wire. The cops, Matt and the rest us did not enjoy seeing this. Somehow we got blamed and scolded as the real culprits peeled out and got to wherever was so fucking important.
Some other stuff happened too. I can't recall all of it nor does it all need to be recalled.
We left the next morning and were somewhere in PA in a Arby's / Roller Skating rink parking lot, trying to decide on a contest for the second to last seat selection. It was bush jumping. (i'm showing restraint, all the mentions of "box" and now bush jumping, the double entrendres are all out there). It started off on the lowest height and was getting progressively higher when we heard some lady tell us that there is a playground nearby. "You might want to go there, it might be more useful" yadda yadda yadda. In a pause I was thinking, "no, we're good, we're almost done, why is she talking to us, why would we need to go to a playground?" Then she started in with some non-sense about us "disrespecting the bushes, do you know how much landscaping costs? I'll call the cops if you don't leave." She was doing stuff like this. Simply put, she said we were disrespecting bushes and was willing to call the cops if we didn't stop. I don't know about you but I never thought I'd write that sentence or read it in my entire life. Just a truly absurd situation.
Some other stuff happened and I made it home later on.
This entry may be more convoluted than usual. I'm on my sister's computer with the DSL which means high speed music. So Revision is loud and nasty per always as i try to type. Ya'll been warned -Wu Tang
Like any major sporting event or large concert, the ancillary aspects prior to the actual event are usually the most troublesome. Parking, long lines, heavy traffic, confusion, these things are rather common. And always seem alot worse when they are happening compared to when it's all over with.
So the Preakness was no different. What was different about the Preakness compared to your average event is that you can bring in mass quantities of non-glass beverages. All the cans of beer you can carry. Which for the seven of us was six 30 racks. Shock and disbelief is the proper reaction dearest reader.
Ok, right to the nitty gritty
It was the absolute biggest party I've ever been a part of. Picture the early drinking of Cortaca with the sea of humanity of Prospect day but only on the scale of Fucking Woodstock. 90,000 people were on the infield.
Highlights / memorable moments:
-pouring beer on each other's heads seemed to be the thing that happened in our group so eventually i got some on my head. I spiked up my hair. It was pretty shaggy at the time so it stood up high. The sun baked it and it stayed straight up the rest of the day, through dinner back at the hotel. It wasn't even like gel hard either, you could run your hands through it if you wanted to. I wanted to.
-The flashing aspect of Mardi Gras was in effect. It wasn't the dominant theme of the afternoon, like it would be at Mardi Gras but you noticed. I'm not mad. The rest of the crowd also seemed to enjoy it. (ed's note: I have never been to Mardi Gras)
-My first viewing experience of, as the Red Dragon from "Made" called it, Charlie. I've never seen that before and there it was right out in the infield. I wouldn't call it a highlight but I'd be lying if it wasn't memorable.
-Our styrofoam coolers that we brought in to keep the beers cold lasted roughly four hours. I don't think this is a lot shorter or a lot longer than I expected. The destruction of the coolers was bound to happen and it did. Although when some wayward drunk dragging his fancy dancy plastic cooler along fell over into ours, smashing it all to hell, I acted out. I bounded out of the foldout chair (that was not mine) and gave my best kick right to the side of his plastic cooler. I wasn't really pissed, I just thought it would be funny. It was. Then about 45 secs. later, after sitting down I really thought I broke my big toe. I expected to find some blood covered socks when I got back to the hotel.
-We made it to the fence to see the start of the final race. I'm six three so I could see pretty good. Some 40 plus year old, drunk, overweight lady also wanted to see good. So, since her boyfriend was old and had a creaky back and couldn't support her, they both thought it would be a good idea if she got on my shoulders. Initally I agreed, simply because I was stunned. How often do complete strangers ask you get on your shoulders? Not often in my case. It took about 15 seconds to realize that this was not a good idea and it was not going to happen. She ended up going on the boyfriends shoulders, pissing him and a lot of others behind them off. Thinking about it now, I would have immediately developed curvature of the spine had that whale dry docked on my broad but ultimately non weight baring shoulders.
-I gambled some on the race. I had never bet on horses before so the whole experience of placing a bet, the lingo, etc. was new to me. I knew I wanted to bet on Afleet Alex. So I put $15 on him. Won $64.50 on that one. I also wanted to do a trifecta and box it which I put $30 on. Not as much as I intended, I got confused at the booth. Which if you were like me until a week ago you wouldn't have know that when you "box" it, it means that the horses can come in any order, 1-2-3. As long as they finish in the top three you win. I had Afleet Alex, Smarty T and Noble Causeway, 3-5-12. I got two outta three, if I picked horse 13 instead of 3 I would have gotten paid lovely.
-After picking the absolute slowest line to cash out in, everyone else had made their way to the car. When we got there our car was the last one in the fenced-in lot so we blocked at least four cars in. When we got there, the people we blocked in were calm and civil. Leaving was a different story. Seems that I was not the last to reach the car. Matt, the one with the keys, was still not present. Now, I can understand being annoyed if you get blocked in. But it was a little ridiculous how upset the a-holes were getting. You were just outside drinking all day long on a Saturday, what do you have to rush home for? A lot of Fortune 500 meetings taking place on a Saturday in the Baltimore area that I'm not aware of? I was not taking their not taking being blocked in well very well at all. So with the mob mentality swirling around we were pressured into attempting to move the car. Not easy. So with the six of us plus the roid raging assbags on a tight deadline, we tried. The back went up easy. The front, the part with the fucking engine, did not go up so easy. We got it moved a little bit but soon the owners of the lot saw us in action. As you might expect, seeing a bunch of drunk people try to move something that doesn't belong to them in the first place did not go over so well. The cops got involved. I thought Eddie was going to get arrested. Matt finally shows up and it was around this time that we discover his side-view mirror had come off the car. Still attached but only by the wire. The cops, Matt and the rest us did not enjoy seeing this. Somehow we got blamed and scolded as the real culprits peeled out and got to wherever was so fucking important.
Some other stuff happened too. I can't recall all of it nor does it all need to be recalled.
We left the next morning and were somewhere in PA in a Arby's / Roller Skating rink parking lot, trying to decide on a contest for the second to last seat selection. It was bush jumping. (i'm showing restraint, all the mentions of "box" and now bush jumping, the double entrendres are all out there). It started off on the lowest height and was getting progressively higher when we heard some lady tell us that there is a playground nearby. "You might want to go there, it might be more useful" yadda yadda yadda. In a pause I was thinking, "no, we're good, we're almost done, why is she talking to us, why would we need to go to a playground?" Then she started in with some non-sense about us "disrespecting the bushes, do you know how much landscaping costs? I'll call the cops if you don't leave." She was doing stuff like this. Simply put, she said we were disrespecting bushes and was willing to call the cops if we didn't stop. I don't know about you but I never thought I'd write that sentence or read it in my entire life. Just a truly absurd situation.
Some other stuff happened and I made it home later on.
posted by Zach Fields at
9:20 PM
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